Christian Motivations
  • Christian Motivations Blog
  • Zoe Support Jobs
  • Events & Prayer
  • Contact us

Loving Her More Than the NBA 

12/11/2013

 
Picture
Meet Don. Don is a basketball "nut." He's the kind of sports buff who can talk nonstop about his favorite basketball teams with anybody who'll listen. One evening, Don's wife took a seat next to him on the couch. She placed her arms around his neck and asked him point-blank: "Do you love me more than basketball?"

Puzzled, Don considered her question for a long minute before answering. He finally said, "College or NBA?"* While most of us men would never make a blunder of that magnitude, we often miss the opportunity to affirm our wives. Marriage is not a spectator sport. Nor is it a place for verbal jabs or cynical put-downs. Those male digs might work in the locker room with the boys, but they're out of bounds with our wives.

What do Don's wife, your wife, and my wife need? Affirmation. Lots of it. Soft, tender, thoughtful, unexpected, meaningful, heartfelt affirmation delivered with no sexual demands attached. That's difficult for a man, I know. A man usually sets goals and generally acts only when he is after something. When it comes to romance, he's tempted to give affirmation only because he hopes to "get sex" in return.

As we look at showering our wives with affirmation in this chapter you and I will score big when we make our goal unconditional affirmation—no strings attached. My aim is to make my wife feel loved, valued, cherished, and affirmed as the love of my life.

We all would do well to watch Solomon in action. Solomon, by contrast, referred to his wife as "my beloved" forty times in the Song of Solomon. That choice phrase is packed with affirmation. It's a romantic expression, a call to rich friendship. Each time Solomon said, "My beloved," his words clothed her with dignity and value.

What woman wouldn't flourish under such a constant stream of loving affirmation?

Here are thirty nonsexual ways to cherish your bride through words and acts of affirmation. And by the way, these are nonsexual so that you speak her romantic love language. It's important to remember that you are not doing these things to get something in return. Perhaps she will reciprocate in your language back to you, but that's not your goal. Are you ready?

  1. Hug and kiss her every morning before leaving the house. Research indicates that marriages that practice this simple discipline are much healthier than those that don't. If she's sleeping, leave her a note, or gently kiss her forehead and whisper, "Have a wonderful day, sweetheart."
  2. Reach across the front seat of the car when you drive and hold her hand, even for a few moments. Allow your fingers to become entwined.
  3. Write, "I'm crazy about you, honey. You're the best!" or another personal message on a yellow sticky note. Attach it to her bathroom mirror.
  4. Call her from work and say, "I've been thinking of how good I have it with you in my life. Thanks for all that you are as a woman and all that you do for me and our family."
  5. The next time you get a pair of tickets to a ball game, theater, or concert that she'd like to go to, make a sacrifice. Instead of going with a buddy, tuck them in her purse with a note saying, "You deserve a night off. Have fun with a girlfriend."
  6. Go an entire day without criticizing anything about her. Instead, try to notice her doing something that you really appreciate, and tell her how much you value her.
  7. Go to bed at the same time with her for a week; just talk or read a book and share the quietness together. Or play a card game that you used to play when you dated or were just married.
  8. Brush her hair and compliment her hair and eyes.
  9. While she studies her face in the mirror, come up behind her and gently kiss the back of her neck. Say, "God broke the mold after He made you. You are so beautiful."
  10. Evict Leno and Letterman from your bedroom. Cart off the TV and when she asks what you're doing, tell her you'd like to start making a habit of listening to her rather then a couple of middle-aged men in pancake makeup.
  11. Call her or send her an e-mail midafternoon and ask her how her day is going.
  12. Try your hand at making breakfast on Saturday morning. Tell her she deserves a break and should feel free to sleep in.
  13. Take her car to the gas station, fill the tank, vacuum the floor mats, and clean the windows. When you park it at the house, leave a note on the dash with just a heart and the words, "Thinking of you."
  14. Write her a short love letter in which you list several ways that she has blessed you this year.
  15. Resurrect common courtesies. Start opening the car door for her as you did when you dated, pull out her chair for her at the dinner table, offer your arm while walking down stairs, and help her put her coat on.
  16. If she's doing the laundry, pull yourself away from whatever you're doing and offer to bring the hamper.
  17. Put the toilet seat down when you're finished, and wash your hands. I'd estimate that 40 percent of men don't. Our wives do know. Stroking her face after you've been to the bathroom suddenly loses its romantic appeal!
  18. Put down the newspaper or turn off the computer, and say, "Why don't we go for a walk and talk? I'd love to hear about your day".
  19. If you overhear her engaged in a difficult situation on the phone or with a child, compliment the way she handled the conversation.
  20. Initiate daily prayer with her. This one spiritual discipline has transformed millions of marriages. Make a commitment, and then begin to pray together every day. Begin by giving thanks for her and your family, then pray with her about her worries and challenges. Ask her to pray for you about a challenge you are facing.
  21. Say, "Thank you," after every meal she serves. Then help her clear the table or offer to do the dishes with her.
  22. If she has wrestled with a specific spiritual issue (such as gossip, envy, a lack of compassion), tell her how much you appreciate her desire to handle it in a godly manner.
  23. Express appreciation for her doing the laundry and folding your clothing.
  24. Each day try to say, "I love the way you _______ ," and fill in the blank with something you've observed.
  25. When your wife irons your shirts or picks up the dry cleaning, say, "Thanks, honey, for taking such good care of me."
  26. When the alarm goes off in the morning, wrap your arm around her, press your body next to hers, and cuddle for several minutes. When you leave, say, "I wish I didn't have to go."
  27. The next time you go to dinner, say, "You've had a tough day, sweetie. Why don't you pick the spot tonight?"
  28. When you are together in a crowd, find a way to brag on her. Say, "My wife is such an amazing cook," or "I've got the best wife—her ______ never ceases to amaze me."
  29. The morning after making love, touch her tenderly, and tell her how wonderful it was to be with her.
  30. With your wife in the room, tell your kids, "You've got the best mommy in the world. Isn't she great? I just love her so much."
  31. Bonus for those with young families: Help her put the kids to bed each night.
For some men, the thought of affirming their wives sounds like a lot of work. Others are anxious about being so vulnerable with displays of affirmation. Whatever the reason, they hesitate to step out and pursue the call to love found in Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV): "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her."

If you've hesitated affirming your bride, or if you've been slow to praise her qualities, trust me on this: just do it. Affirming your wife through even just three or four of these ideas will do wonders for your romance. Is that too difficult to believe?

You'll never know unless you try, right?

*See "Loving Her More Than the NBA," Reader's Digest, October 1997, for more on this.

Excerpted by permission of Thomas Nelson Inc., Nashville, TN., from the book entitled Rekindling the Romance, copyright date 2004 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. All rights reserved.

    Picture
    Facebook Page

    Ana & Andre Schoonbee

     God uses us to motivate and encourage the body.

    Click on Previous at bottom of page for more posts

    Picture
    Email us at :
    Ana.Schoonbee@gmail.com
    or
    Aschoonb@randwater.co.za

    RSS Feed

    Authors

    All
    Abigrael Halohymn
    Ac Dixon
    Adrian Dieleman
    Adrian Gore
    Adrian Rogers
    Afrikaans
    Alan Smith
    Albert-einstein
    Amy
    Andrew And Vanessa Roebert
    Andrew-and-vanessa-roebert
    Andrew Murray
    Andrew Wommack
    Andrew W Roebert
    Aw Tozer
    Babra Nel
    Bennie Mostert
    Beth Moore
    Bill-hardaway
    Bill Winston
    Bob And Bonnie Jones
    Bob En Debby Gass
    Bob-en-debby-gass
    Bob Turnbill
    Bob Yvonne Turnbull6580747baa
    Bronnie Ware
    Business
    Carina Francke
    Cartoon
    Charles Halff
    Charles Stanley
    Charles Swindoll
    Christalone
    Christ Notes
    Christ Warriors
    Chuck Swindoll
    Cindy Hess
    Cindy Ludwig
    Colin Lamont
    Crawford W Loritts
    Dan Elliot
    Dangelo-joyce
    Daniel Wiafe
    David Cummings
    David Jeremiah
    David Langerfeld
    David Mc Casland
    David Pollay
    David Wilkerson
    Dean Register
    Dennis And Barbara Rainey
    Dennis-de-hann
    Dennis Fisher
    Dick Innes
    Dirk Taljaard
    Dr A Murray
    Dr-james
    Dr John Tibane
    Dr Wr Bright
    Dwight Clough
    Dwight-l-moody
    Elaine Cook
    Em Bounds
    Eric Stander
    Erik Rees
    Erik-rees
    Erma Bombeck
    Fb Meyer
    First Fruit Of Zion
    Frederick-buechner
    Gary-chester
    Gene Edwards
    Gerald Maire
    Gerald-maire
    Gerald Whetstone
    Gerjo Ben
    Glen-miller
    Gloria-copeland
    Gods Barnyard
    Gods-barnyard
    Handre De Jongh
    Helen Steiner Rice
    Hennie Potgieter
    Hennie Symington
    Hennie-symington
    Horace Wimpey
    Ivor Van Rensburg
    James-goll
    James Hewett
    James Mcdonald
    James Ryle
    Jane Eggleston
    Jennifer Benson
    Jewel-diamond-taylor
    Jim Clark
    Joan Cox
    Joel Osteen
    Joel-osteen
    Joel Victoria Osteen
    Joel-victoria-osteen
    Joel Victoria Osteendc39db591a
    Joe Mazzella
    Joe Mc Keever
    Joe Stowell
    Johan Campbell
    Johan Vd Merwe
    John-blumberg
    John Donne
    John Hendryx
    Johnie Akers
    John Maxwell
    John-maxwell
    Johnny-the-bagger
    John Oaks
    John Walker
    John Wesley
    Joke
    Jon Walker
    Joseph-j-mazzella
    Joseph Prince
    Joseph-prince
    Josh Mc Dowell
    Joyce Meyer
    Julian Marion
    Julie Ackerman
    Karen-kullgren
    Kath Brinkman
    Ken-klaus
    Ken-pilcher
    Ken Sapp
    Ken-trevithick
    Khutso
    Kookie Langwenya
    Larry-hiller
    Lee Venden
    Leith-anderson
    Life Questions
    Lindiwe Mamabolo
    Lynell Waterman
    Marcia Lee Laycock
    Marcus-dods
    Mariage
    Marion Smith
    Marji Kruger
    Marji-kruger
    Marriage
    Max Lucado
    Max-lucado
    Maya Angelou
    Melanie Schurr
    Melodie-davis
    Melvin Newland
    Michael Josephson
    Mike Pholman
    Moodley
    Motivation
    Myles Monroe
    Neville Turley
    Nick-stander
    Nikiia Smith
    Os Hillman
    Os-hillman
    Oswald-chambers
    Pamela Perry Blaine
    Patrick Medlock
    Picture
    Pieter Goosen
    Prayer
    Quintus-heine
    Quotes
    Randy Kilgore
    Re Davies
    Reinhard Bonnke
    Rex-barker
    Rhonda Rhea
    Rick Hamblin
    Rick Warren
    Robert-ketchum
    Robert Mcduffie
    Robert-morgan
    Robert Peterson
    Robert Valett
    Rocky Henriques
    Rodger-palms
    Roger Kiser Sr
    Ronald Mcfadden
    Ron Graham
    Ron Hutchcraft
    Ron Newhouse
    Rose Ballard
    Roy Lessin
    Roy-lessin
    Rubel-shelley
    Russ Lawson
    Schoonbee
    Scott Harrup
    Scripture
    Sheree Motola
    Skip Moen
    Slideshow
    Sms
    Solly Ozrovech
    Stan Buckley
    Stephan Joubert
    Stephan-joubert
    Stephan-joubert
    Stephen Covey
    Steve Ackermann
    Steve And Cindy Wright
    Steve Blair
    Steve Brunkhorst
    Steve Troxel
    Sumner Wemp
    Susan Coetzer
    Swami-vivekananda
    Td Jakes
    Terence-b-lester
    Testimony
    Tim
    Tim-archer
    Tina-blessitt
    Tom Norvelle
    Tom Rietveld
    Trevor Ketler
    Tyler Perry
    Unknown
    Vic Patalano
    Victor Parchin
    Video
    Walter Wintle
    Wanda Bencke
    Wayne Dyer
    William Ward
    Woodrow Kroll
    Xanthe Galanis
    Zapiro
    Zig Ziglar
    Zipporah-rwengo

    Archives

    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011


Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.