"They do not love that do not show their love" (William Shakespeare) -
simple words for a very real principle in loving each other. Love needs to
be nurtured and shown or it eventually dies! As we're told in the Bible,
"it is not self-seeking;" and it "always perseveres" (1 Corinthians 13).
To help us persevere in our love, we're sharing "Ten Great Tips for
Husbands and Ten Great Tips for Wives" written by J.S. Salt. We've added
additional comments in [brackets]:
TEN GREAT TIPS FOR HUSBANDS
1. Listen, listen, listen! Put down that newspaper (or TV remote control)
and let her know your focus is on her.
2. When she tells you her problems, try not to jump in with advice. A
sympathetic ear may be all she needs. [If you have advice for her, ask
her if she wants it. If she doesn't, then just listen to her. This
will mean more than advice you could give - even though it makes no
sense to you. The point is to give her what SHE needs, not what you
feel you need to give her.]
3. Schedule a date with her once a week. It doesn't have to be expensive.
The goal is simply to create time for just the two of you. [You dated
her before marriage, which helped you both to fall in love with each
other, now date her after marriage to nurture and continue to grow
4. Surprise her with little things that show affection --a note, a funny
card, a small gift, or flowers for no reason. She needs to feel you're
thinking of her.
5. Do little day-to-day things that make her feel taken care of - like
filling her empty water glass, bringing her coffee in bed or turning
down her side of the bed if you go to sleep before her.
6. Connect with her physically during the day. Kiss her when you wake up,
hold her hand sometimes, and touch her in non-sexual ways. She'll be
nicer to you and your s_x life may improve. [But if that's not your
main motivation it may not, depending on her personality.]
7. Let the kids be your responsibility too. That way, she'll get some
time for herself. [They're your children too. It gives you the
opportunity to connect with them - which they need from you.]
8. Respect her. Don't make fun or berate her just because she doesn't
think the same way you do. [The Bible tells us, "Love protects." She
needs you to "protect" her feelings.]
9. When you're angry or upset, tell her why. Don't make her guess. [But
be careful. The Bible tells us to "speak the truth in love" - meaning
that what you say is to be motivated by your love for her to improve
things between you. Things won't improve if you communicate in mean-
10. Compliment her [often]. And tell her you love her - at least once a
Based on the book... "How to Be the Almost Perfect Husband: By Wives Who
Know" by J.S. Salt.
TEN GREAT TIPS FOR WIVES
1. Let him know you believe in him. This will empower him to achieve his
dreams. [You made him feel that he was more special than anyone or
anything else, before you married. Work to help him see that again.]
2. Accept your husband for the man he is, instead of wishing you could
change this or that. [Stop concentrating on your spouse's faults (this
makes him look bigger than real life). Instead, work on your own
faults. Take the "log" out of your own eye.]
3. Help him be a hero to his kids. Speak well of him and the good things
4. Appreciate the things he does - like making repairs around the house.
[Even if he doesn't do them well, or the way you want, at least he's
trying to make the effort - which is more than a lot of husbands will
5. Let him spend time with the guys doing "guy" things [unless those
"guy" things compromise the integrity of your marital relationship].
6. Respect his right to need some space sometimes. It doesn't mean he
doesn't love you.
7. Stop asking him to throw out his torn, faded jeans [or any other
article clothing of his you don't "like"]. What you hate about them is
what he loves about them. [Learn to choose your battles - concentrate
on things that are REALLY important.]
8. Stop criticizing his mother (or father). [This may be difficult to do
if his family makes life difficult for you. "Speak the truth in love"
and - motivated by love, when it concerns his family. If this doesn't
help, ask the Lord to show you how to handle the situation in the
Godliest, most peaceable way possible.]
9. Be patient with him. Make him feel special - he still craves your
10. Keep looking your best --for him ..and for yourself.
Based on the book..."How to Be the Almost Perfect Wife: By Husbands who
Know" by J.S. Salt
Even if you only pick one thing to do in the above lists, it's a good
beginning (and for some of you it may be real progress - at least until
you later expand your actions of showing love). And here's a poem by
Henry James Borys that may inspire you to show your love to each other:
"What good is my love if it stays in my heart?
Hidden from the world and my partner?
Love can be an action as simple as doing the vacuuming,
making dinner, or an unexpected hug.
Love can be as simple as giving my partner
more attention than I give to the television."
SO TRUE! As the Nike (sporting goods company) commercial says: "JUST DO
IT!" Show your love to each other. Don't expect your marriage partner just
to know it - SHOW IT! "Honor one another above yourselves" (Romans 12:10).
May God richly bless your marriage this week --and always.
Cindy and Steve Wright