Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at 1000 per month.
My grandpa started walking
Five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
And we have no idea where the hell he is.
I like long walks,
Especially when they are taken
By people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking
Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning,
Before my brain figures out what I'm doing...
I joined a health club last year,
Spent about 100
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there!
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
I do have flabby thighs,
But fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day
Is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
Start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise
The last few years,......
Just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older,
Because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Every time I start thinking too much
About how I look,
I just find a pub with a Happy Hour
And by the time I leave,
I look just fine.
You could run this over to your friends But just e-mail it to them!
It will save you the walk!
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where's the money?"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido:
"Where's the money?".
Guido signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather:
"He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's temple and says: "Ask him again!"
The lawyer signs to Guido: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him.."
Guido signs back: "OK.!!!! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
Don't you just love lawyers ...
Meraai sê vir Gatiep: "Djy moenie dink djy sal by die hemel se hek kan ingaan as djou asem so na drank stink nie!"
Gatiep: Dja Meraai, djy hou djou baaaie slim né. Maar daar is n technical point van hemel toe gaan wat djy nie van weetie. My asem ganie saamie, ek blaas hom mos hier yt!"