DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home. FLORIDA OR MOON Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????' CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor.' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that? SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!' RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.' AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.' KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!' BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!' IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?' FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watchdogs'! We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid," says comedy writer
Gene Perret. "A girl would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a nickel. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home." Gotta admire persistence. Because rejection is hard to take. Especially when it comes from someone you know. Or, come to think about it, someone you don't know. And we all want to be appreciated. We like being valued for what we do and who we are. American football coach Bum Phillips lives in a world where one can become a hero or a heel in an amazingly short time. One mediocre season and a coach, even a good one, can be out of a job. Like Phillips once said, "There's only two kinds of coaches -- them that's been fired and them that's about to be fired." Sounds like they might want to make friends with rejection. Few things hold people back more than the fear of rejection. They don't ask for what they need because the answer may be no. They don't ask their boss for a raise or for more time off. They don't ask for help. They are afraid to be the first to say "I love you" (what if they don't hear "I love you" back?). They don't ask for a better deal or a lower interest rate. They don't submit that manuscript to a publisher. In short, they don't let their wants and needs be known, for fear of being turned away, turned down or turned out. But the wonderful truth is this: If you can accept NO for an answer, you can ask for anything. ANYTHING. When no is an acceptable and okay answer to what you'd like, you can fearlessly ask for whatever you need. I love the expression, "I'm just putting it out there." Just put it out there. Ask. And don't worry about the response. Nobody can say YES if you never asked. Just put it out there and don't be afraid -- you may be surprised at the answer you get. Sometimes people just need to be asked. And if you don't get the response you want, are you any worse off than before? Hey -- I'm just putting it out there. -- Steve Goodier, Life Support System Publishing, Inc. The problem with our age is that it is all signpost and no destination. Effortless living is never effective. Everyone thinks that the more we can do with less the better life is but it is a lie. God instructed us to work hard Gen 3:23 and to be diligent and honorable in our ministries Ezra7:23
We can not expect someone else to make us do what is right, we must listen to the Holy Spirit and take action. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 Run to win, be diligent to follow Jesus. Even if it requires sacrifices. Stay focused He has a plan that involves blessings for us who persevere.
Remembering Gods faithfulness to us is an important means of building the faith. Psalm 105:3 encourages us to do just that. Remember and share with others God’s goodness to you so that they too can be encouraged in God.
In 2 Corinthians 3:18 Paul states that God changes us from one degree of glory to another. In other words the changes in us and in our circumstances take place gradually. You may not be where you like to be but thank God you are not where you used to be. He is working in us and the latter glory will be greater Haggai 2:9
I look at your heavens, which you made with your fingers… But why are people important to you? Psa 8:3-4
We understand how storms are created. We map solar systems and transplant hearts. We measure the depths of the oceans and send signals to distant planets. We … have studied the system and are learning how it works. And, for some, the loss of mystery has led to the loss of majesty. The more we know, the less we believe. Strange, don't you think? Knowledge of the workings shouldn't negate wonder. Knowledge should stir wonder. Who has more reason to worship than the astronomer who has seen the stars? … Ironically, the more we know, the less we worship. We are more impressed with our discovery of the light switch than with the one who invented electricity… Rather than worship the Creator, we worship the creation (see Rom 1:25 ). No wonder there is no wonder. We've figured it all out. In the Grip of Grace (Max Lucado) As God says in Ezekiel 11:19 it is not His will for us to be hard hearted. Never allow yourself to remain hard hearted. Pray that God soften your heart and give you a tender conscience one that is sensitive for others needs and Responsive to God. Let God work out His character in you
There was once a spider who lived in a cornfield. He was a big spider and he had spun a beautiful web between the corn stalks. He got fat eating all the bugs that would get caught in his web. He liked his home and planned to stay there for the rest of his life.
One day the spider caught a little bug in his web, and just as the spider was about to eat him, the bug said, "If you let me go I will tell you something important that will save your life." The spider paused for a moment and listened because he was amused. "You better get out of this cornfield," the little bug said, "The harvest is coming!" The spider smiled and said, "What is this harvest you are talking about? I think you are just telling me a story." But the little bug said, "Oh no, it is true. The owner of this field is coming to harvest it soon. All the stalks will be knocked down and the corn will be gathered up. You will be killed by the giant machines if you stay here." The spider said, "I don't believe in harvests and giant machines that knock down corn stalks. How can you prove this?" The little bug continued, "Just look at the corn. See how it is planted in rows? It proves this field was created by an intelligent designer." The spider laughed and mockingly said, "This field has evolved and has nothing to do with a creator. Corn always grows that way." The bug went on to explain, "Oh no. This field belongs to the owner who planted it, and the harvest is coming soon." The spider grinned and said to the little bug, "I don't believe you," and then the spider ate the little bug for lunch. A few days later, the spider was laughing about the story the little bug had told him. He thought to himself, "A harvest! What a silly idea. I have lived here all of my life and nothing has ever disturbed me. I have been here since these stalks were just a foot off the ground, and I'll be here for the rest of my life, because nothing is ever going to change in this field. Life is good, and I have it made." The next day was a beautiful sunny day in the cornfield. The sky above was clear and there was no wind at all. That afternoon as the spider was about to take a nap, he noticed some thick dusty clouds moving toward him. He could hear the roar of a great engine and he said to himself, "I wonder what that could be?" Every promise God has ever made has and will come to pass. Eight hundred years before Jesus was born, the prophet Isaiah wrote of the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ (Isaiah 53:3-12). He wrote in detail of all that would happen to the Lord and it did come to pass just as he had written. Read Matthew 27 and John 19. Just as the past prophesies have all come true, so will all of the future prophesies. Jesus is coming again (Revelation 1:9) and will take all of those who have put their trust in Him (1 Thessalonians 4:16-18). I encourage you to make Jesus the Lord of your life if you have never done so before. He promised to forgive your every sin and make you a child of God. (Isaiah 1:18) (2 Corinthians 5:17) God in His everlasting mercy wants no one to perish, but has made a way for every human being to have eternal life with Him in Heaven. It is then up to us to accept or reject this free gift. The Bible declares in Acts 4:12 "Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved." Jesus is the only way to have eternal life and anyone can have this gift by opening their heart to Him and confessing Jesus as their Lord and Savior. (Romans 10:9-13) |
Ana & Andre Schoonbee God uses us to motivate and encourage the body. Authors
All
Archives
June 2015
|