"If only I was married to someone else who cares more about me and our marriage, life would be so much better!" ..."It's because of him (or her) that I act the way I do at home. I act like a different person with everyone else!" ..."I know I have my faults, but it's not as bad as what he (she) does --that's why this marriage is such a mess!"
Have you ever voiced one of those statements? Most of us go through times when we think such things. But have you considered... just how easy is it to be married to YOU? Please prayerfully consider the weaknesses you personally contribute to your marital relationship. Perhaps this could be a personal wake-up call in some way. The following are a few questions to ask yourself: - Do you speak to your spouse in a way that could be perceived by him or her as dishonoring or belittling? (You may feel justified in speaking this way but the result could be that your spouse will eventually avoid being with you and instead seek to be with others who don't do this.) - Do you give your full attention when he or she is trying to communicate with you --listening with your eyes, ears, and with your heart? Or are you continually distracted so your spouse could feel that what he/she has to say is unimportant to you? - Do you have a tendency to lecture or berate him/her, like some parents treat a "naughty" child? - When you're angry, are you explosive so that he/she could feel assaulted (which could result in him or her shutting down emotionally from truly hearing what you're trying to communicate)? - Do you treat "outsiders" with more love and consideration than you do your own spouse? - Do you use cutting humor with your spouse, saying, "I'm just kidding..." and yet he or she doesn't think it's funny? And do you do this publicly so your spouse feels all the more humiliated? - Does your marriage "partner" complain that you act like you're better than him or her (and deep down, this may be true)? Think about it. - Do you continually act irritable or are you hypersensitive in your actions with him or her? - Do you keep bringing up things from the past --things he or she has asked for forgiveness previously? (Please realize, this can result in feelings that it's hopeless that he or she will ever be able to escape past actions with you, no matter what he or she does.) - Are you living a trustworthy life so your spouse doesn't need to be concerned that you will violate his or her trust? And do you seek ways to show your trustworthiness? - Do you participate in anything Christ would see as "deeds of darkness" which could bring unhealthiness into your marital partnership? (See Ephesians 5:11) - Do you seek to be a peacemaker in your home? (See Ephesians 4:3 and Romans 12:18) - Do you protect your spouse's feelings and dignity in how you speak and interact with him/her both in private AND in public when you're together with others? (See 1 Corinthians 13:7) - Do you reveal private matters, saying things about your spouse to others that he or she could perceive as hurtful in some way? - Have you become such a serious person that you rarely laugh and forget to infuse fun times into your marriage --times like you used to have together earlier in your relationship? - Do you make an effort to show that you value being married to him or her? - Do you honor his/her communication "style?" If you're a good communicator and your spouse isn't, do you run over him (her) with your words? (This could leave him or her feeling stupid so he or she avoids "communication" times altogether. Just because you're good with words and your spouse isn't, it doesn't mean he/she is wrong and you're right.) - Are you a negative person to live with? Do you need to make an effort to be more positive in how you interact with your spouse so you don't drag down his/her spirits, as well? - Do you look for ways to compliment and encourage your spouse (when you're alone together as well as when you're out together with others)? - Do you receive your spouse's compliments in positive ways so he or she doesn't feel dismissed or discredited when he/she says nice things to you? - Are you gracious when your spouse messes up in some way, so he or she still feels accepted and loved by you? - Do you try to make your marriage a better one? Do you show by your actions as well as by your words that you're together in partnership with him or her? So what do you think now? Just how easy are YOU to live with? Do you need to make some adjustments in how you interact in your marriage relationship? Certainly, your spouse may have many faults that you even point out, as well. But please consider that if you blame your spouse for your wrong actions, you're playing the same "blame game" that Adam did when God confronted him with the wrongdoing. Adam replied, "It's the woman you put here with me --she gave me fruit from the tree, and I ate it." Even so, God didn't consider Adam's excuses to be valid. And the same goes for yours (ours). God condemned Adam just as He did Eve. One person's sin doesn't excuse or wipe out the wrongness of what the other does. If you feel convicted, we hope you'll ask the Lord to help you work on your own issues --your own "planks" that need to be removed. As admonished in the scriptures: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:3-5) "If any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone." (John 8:7) As you, and as we consider the spouse WE are, may we pray individually: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" (Psalm 139:23-24). May God help and guide us together in our marriage journeys, Cindy and Steve Wright Hemelse Vader,
Baie dankie vir die klein “plesiertjies” van menswees………'n beker stomende koffie in my yskoue hande; 'n knus bed en warm kombers, en sommer ook vir my ‘slaap-maat’ wat my teënsinning laat gaan om die nuwe dag aan te vat. Dankie vir die prikkeling van 'n warm stort op ‘slaap-stywe’ skouers; vir die geur van ontbyt. Dankie Vader, vir die skaterlag van kinders, oor lawwe dinge wat ons te "gesofistikeer" geword het om te geniet. Dankie vir die “geborgenheid” van 'n huis……… vir die ‘weelde’ van gesondheid ~ na gees en liggaam! Here, ons behoort mos dolgelukkig te wees……… maar ons harte is swaar van groot bekommernisse en onbenullige frustrasies wat ons gedagtes so in beslag neem, dat dit ons doof maak vir die vreugdes wat ons reeds in U besit. Ag, Here, ons ervaring van geluk is so selfsugtig, so kortstondig. Dit is soos om 'n pragtige blom in ons hande te hou en net te sit en kyk hoe dit stadig verlep. Vader, help ons asb om minder te kla oor die dinge wat ‘verby gaan’ en ons meer te verbly in die seëninge wat ons elke dag uit U hand uit ontvang… veral die klein dingetjies wat ons so maklik miskyk!! Ons bid vandag vir hulle, wat nog nooit juis die “lewe se blomme” sien oopgaan het nie en ook vir diè in wie se lewe daar net te veel “verlepte blomme” is, sodat hulle nie eers meer die mooies kan onthou nie! Hemel Vader, ons gee nou al ons “dooie blomme” aan U terug. Dankie dat ons U kan vertrou met seisoene, met nuwe geure en kleure en dankie dat U getrouheid oor en in ons lewens, ons waarborg is vir elke more, dat U saam met ons die pad sal stap en ons nooit sal verlaat nie!! Amen. Sandra felt as low as the heels of her crocks when she pulled open the florist shop door, against a November gust of wind. Her life had been as sweet as a spring breeze and then, in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a "minor" automobile accident stole her joy. This was Thanksgiving week and the time she should have delivered their infant son. She grieved over their loss. Troubles had multiplied. Her husband's company "threatened" to transfer his job to a new location.
Her sister had called to say that she could not come for her long awaited holiday visit. What's worse, Sandra's friend suggested that Sandra's grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer. "She has no idea what I'm feeling," thought Sandra with a shudder. "Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered. "For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life, but took her child's?" "Good afternoon, can I help you?" Sandra was startled by the approach of the shop clerk. "I... I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra. "For Thanksgiving? Do you want the beautiful, but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the 'Thanksgiving Special'? I'm convinced that flowers tell stories," she continued. "Are you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this Thanksgiving?" "Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong." Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the clerk said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you." Then the bell on the door rang, and the clerk greeted the new customer, "Hi, Barbara... let me get your order." She excused herself and walked back to a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and what appeared to be long-stemmed, thorny roses - except the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped. There were no flowers. "Do you want these in a box?" asked the clerk. Sandra watched for the customer's response. Was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers! She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed. "Yes, please," Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again.", she said, as she gently tapped her chest. Sandra stammered, "Uh, that lady just left with, uh... she left with no flowers!" "That's right," said the clerk. "I cut off the flowers. That's the 'Special'. I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet." "Oh, come on! You can't tell me someone is willing to pay for that!" exclaimed Sandra. "Barbara came into the shop three years ago, feeling much as you do, today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had just lost her father to cancer; the family business was failing; her son had gotten into drugs; and she was facing major surgery." "That same year, I had lost my husband," continued the clerk. "For the first time in my life, I had to spend the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too much debt to allow any travel." "So what did you do?" asked Sandra. "I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk quietly. "I've always thanked God for the good things in my life and I NEVER questioned Him why those GOOD things happened to me. But when the bad stuff hit, I cried out, "WHY? WHY Me?" It took time for me to learn that the dark times are important to our faith! I have always enjoyed the 'flowers' of my life, but it took the thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort! You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted, and from His consolation we learn to comfort others." Sandra sucked in her breath, as she thought about the thought that her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is, I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God." Just then someone else walked in the shop. "Hey, Phil!" the clerk greeted the balding, rotund man. "My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving arrangement... twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator. "Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously. "Do you mind telling me why she wants a bouquet that looks like that?" "No... I'm glad you asked," Phil replied. "Four years ago, my wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we trudged through problem after problem. The Lord rescued our marriage. Jenny, here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she had learned from "thorny" times. That was good enough for me. I took home some of those stems. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific "problem" and give thanks for what that problem taught us." As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!" "I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life." Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too... fresh." "Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that the thorns make the roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember that it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love. Don't resent the thorns." Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident, she loosened her grip on her resentment. "I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out. "I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute." "Thank you. What do I owe you?" "Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me." The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first." It read: My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked You a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant." Praise Him for the roses; thank Him for the thorns. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Author Unknown Thank you Lord for always going before us and behind us. We know that we are safe in Your Presence.Adapted from Isaiah 52:12
We ask God for everything so we can enjoy life but God gave us life so that we can enjoy everything.
Lord I pray Ephesians 1:17-19 to all reading this message that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him; The eyes of your understanding being enlightened, that ye may know what is the hope of His Calling, and what the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power to us ward who believe according to the working of His mighty power. “Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.” Php 3:12
A chief problem about living the Christian life is that we can easily become satisfied and content with the spiritual level we have attained. One reason for this is that we tend to compare ourselves with other Christians, who also are not making much progress. A second reason for this is that while we might evaluate ourselves (again in comparison to others), we seldom truly examine ourselves (2Co 13:5). The Christians in the church at Sardis (Rev 3:1), for example, evaluated themselves and had made quite a name for themselves, but Jesus said they were dead. Likewise, those in the church at Laodicea (Rev 3:17) evaluated themselves and thought they were rich, but upon close examination, Jesus said they were “wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked.” When Paul examined himself, however, he realized that he had not yet apprehended. Here, then, is the apostle Paul, who, even though he has been a Christian for some thirty years, has planted numerous churches all over the known world, and has written several God-breathed letters that will become part of sacred Scripture, still says, “I haven’t arrived yet. I haven’t reached the prize. I don’t even fully comprehend the prize. I therefore continue to reach forth, to press toward, to pursue, to go after the prize of the knowledge of Christ” (Php 13-14). What an encouragement! If Paul could say such a thing, what about us? Each of us should have what we could call a “spiritual dissatisfaction.” Never should we be satisfied with our spiritual level. There’s always more. A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled
with light and the Savior appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. This the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore, and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain. Seeing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, Satan decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the man's mind, "You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't budged. Why kill yourself over this? You are never going to move it." The man began to believe that the task was impossible and that he was a failure, and he felt discouraged and disheartened. "Why kill myself over this?" he thought. "I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort and that will be good enough." And that he planned to do until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord "Lord," he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?" The Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task as to push. And now you come to me, with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed, but is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have, yet you haven't moved the rock. Your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done. "I, my friend will now move the rock." At times when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just simple obedience and faith in Him... By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but remember it is still God who actually moves them. As Oswald Chambers said, "God does not call us to be successful, only faithful." If we live, we are living for the Lord, and if we die, we are dying for the Lord. Rom 14:8
Do you wonder where you can go for encouragement and motivation? Go back to that moment when you first saw the love of Jesus Christ. Remember the day when you were separated from Christ? You knew only guilt and confusion and then—a light. Someone opened a door and light came into your darkness, and you said in your heart, "I am redeemed!" Run to Jesus. Jesus wants you to go to him. He wants to become the most important person in your life, the greatest love you'll ever know. He wants you to love him so much that there's no room in your heart and in your life for sin. Invite him to take up residence in your heart. Walking with the Savior (Max Lucado) |
Ana & Andre Schoonbee God uses us to motivate and encourage the body. Authors
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