"God's steadfast love motivates us into covenant with Him. We know in our hearts God is committed to our best interest. Therefore, with confidence we can commit our lives to loving and serving Him. In covenant marriage, it is much the same. We enter our marriage with a sense we are loved and that we love each other; thus, we can freely commit ourselves to each other for life. We are then responsible for maintaining this attitude of love throughout marriage." (Dr. Gary Chapman from the book, "Covenant Marriage")
Steadfast is not a word we use often in our everyday vocabulary (especially paired up with "love"). Webster's Dictionary defines steadfast as being 1. Firm, fixed, settled or established 2. Constant; not changing, fickle or wavering. Does this define the love you show your spouse? Last week Cindy and I (Steve) celebrated our 42nd wedding anniversary (YAY God!!!) and steadfast love is what comes to mind when we look back over the years. It's a love that the Lord has helped us to develop and live out in our relationship --something we hope to inspire others to live out also. It's an amazing ride when we join God in this mission in marriage. We can testify to that! Because Cindy and I openly express our love for each other some might think that steadfast loves "comes easy" for us. I would say that it comes easier today, but you should have seen us earlier in our marriage (even after we made Christ our Savior). Too many times we struggled, threatening to leave, and picked at each other to the point that it's now embarrassing to even think about it. What made us think that this was healthy or honoring to God? I don't know. Even though we eventually removed the word, "divorce" from our thoughts and vocabulary (which helped a LOT), we still didn't display the love of Christ in our marriage. But there came a time when we both realized (Cindy much sooner than me) that we needed to change our behavior. We needed to sincerely honor the vows we made to each other and to God on our wedding day and learn how to truly show love to each other in steadfast ways. In his book, Dr. Gary Chapman, gives a picture of what this type of love looks like when it's lived out in a practical way: "This is not love as a romantic feeling. This love is something far deeper. Steadfast love does have an emotional element, but it is primarily a way of thinking and behaving toward one's spouse. Steadfast love is choosing to have a positive regard for your spouse, choosing to focus on his/her positive characteristics, and expressing appreciation to him or her for these characteristics. It's doing things for him or her that will express this positive attitude." Dr Chapman also says, "Steadfast love refuses to focus on the negative aspects of one's spouse. All of us discover things about our spouse that we perceive as negative. We don't deny them. On the contrary, we discuss them, especially if there is potential for change. Yet steadfast love refuses to dwell on these negative aspects. Violation of this principle has destroyed many marriages. "Few people can survive constant harassment and condemnation of a spouse. Condemnation does not encourage one to change, but rather to give up. When we focus on the positive aspects of the spouse and give verbal affirmation, he or she is far more likely to continue to grow." As I read Dr. Chapman's words I reflect on how God has helped both Cindy and me to choose to have positive regard for each other. He has also helped us develop the ability to refuse to dwell on the negative aspects we each have. Even though this doesn't come easy for either one of us it's worth the struggle because we know it reflects God's heart. God gives us, in the Bible, a practical guide to what it means to live out a steadfast love with each other every day. This is an exercise that Cindy and I have used for many years to help us keep on track. Take 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ( the "Love Chapter") and personally answer some important questions: - LOVE IS PATIENT: Ask yourself: Am I patient with my spouse? Am I bearing with his/her weaknesses, as Christ would have me? (That doesn't mean that we enable poor behavior, or that we aren't to discuss important issues. But it's important to ask yourself: am I giving less grace to my marital partner by being impatient than God has and is giving to me?) - LOVE IS KIND: Am I treating my spouse with kindness in my attitudes, words and actions? Am I using cutting, sarcastic humor and/or passive-aggressive behavior in how I treat my spouse, being kinder to other people than I am to my wife (husband)? - LOVE DOES NOT ENVY: Do I display a spirit of discontentment or resentment in what we/I have or don't have? - LOVE DOES NOT BOAST; IT IS NOT PROUD: Am I being boastful, arrogant, or haughty? Am I displaying an attitude of being more superior, smarter, or more "in tune" than my marital partner? - LOVE IS NOT RUDE: Am I being rude, intolerant, or harsh with my spouse --treating her/him as less valued and important than others? - LOVE IS NOT SELF-SEEKING: Do I contribute to the health of our relationship, or do I seek my own way and my own interests over the good of our marriage --taking more than I give? - LOVE IS NOT EASILY ANGERED: Am I overly irritable or hypersensitive with my spouse, so that most everything he or she does angers and sets me off in a negative direction in some way? - LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS: Do I keep "score" or store up resentful thoughts concerning my spouse, of that which a follower of Christ should not? - LOVE DOES NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL BUT REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH: Am I amusing myself and taking delight in that which would grieve the heart of God? Do I speak the "truth in love" --motivated by the love of God, rather than the world's version of love? - LOVE ALWAYS PROTECTS: Do I protect my spouse's feeling? Do I rudely embarrass and belittle, and attack my spouse's character in a way that a Christ follower should not? - LOVE ALWAYS TRUSTS: Am I living a life of trustworthiness (even if my spouse doesn't --giving myself permission to that which I shouldn't)? Am I putting my trust in Christ? - LOVE ALWAYS HOPES: Am I quick to assume the worst in my spouse? Do I have hope in my marriage because of Jesus Christ? - LOVE ALWAYS PERSEVERES: Do I give up too easily, caving into problems rather than persevering THROUGH them? Please keep in mind that we're told in 1 Corinthians 15:58: "Therefore my dear brothers [and sisters], stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord [in your marriage] because you know that you labor in the Lord is not in vain." We hope that whether you've been married 42 years, 4 years, or 4 days, you will be (and will remain) committed to steadfast love in your marriage --to the glory of God! We pray God will help you in the ways you need to get to that place. Steve and Cindy Wright Comments are closed.
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Ana & Andre Schoonbee God uses us to motivate and encourage the body. Authors
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